Sex

Big Little Lies: Why We imitate an Orgasm

If you google the phrase “imitation of orgasm”, the first pages of the results will be clogged with tips on two issues: how a woman can reliably simulate an orgasm and how a man can recognize a “liar”.

But there are other questions to which it is already more difficult to find answers: why is an orgasm simulated at all and is there anything you can do about it?

Oscar for the female half!

Almost everyone who has sex with women is sure that they easily recognize imitation. This, of course, is not so. For example, in one of the surveys of the American Cosmopolitan, 67% of women 18–40 years old said that they sometimes pretend to have an orgasm.

It is hard to imagine that all their partners each time determined a “fake” and did not take any steps to rectify the situation.

Moreover, even in studies of sexual behavior, specialists have to weigh women with sensors to make sure the orgasm is accurate: the external signs are too diverse to rely on.

So we have to admit: Meryl Streep lives in almost everyone, who is able to get an award for a believable show.

Everybody dance

Men, in fact, also imitate.

Charlene Mühlenhard from the University of Kansas found that among people who practice heterosexual vaginal sex, 67% of women (familiar numbers!) And 28% of men regularly pretend an orgasm during oral sex, manual stimulation or even during phone sex.

Men’s Health and Women’s Health polls showed that 17% of men imitate an orgasm. In another study, for which men aged 18–29 years were recruited, all participants reported that on average they simulate in a quarter of cases – and most often it was about sex with women.

So, despite the stereotype of the ubiquity of “pretenders,” men in this dubious competition are already breathing in the back of their head.

One of the signs of future imitation is the sudden appearance of a condom, although it is usually not required. In these cases, contraceptives are used to mask the absence of ejaculate.

Reasons plus

Among the reasons why people pretend to have an orgasm are common to all genders, and partially the deception comes from good intentions.

Both men and women declare that if they cannot reach orgasm, they can pretend to support partners’ self-esteem, inspire them and maintain good relations.

Most likely, they don’t even think about what will happen with this self-esteem when the partner or partner realizes that a performance was being played before them, but initially their idea is completely altruistic.

Orgasm is often equated with sexual satisfaction and is considered its prerequisite. Therefore, the ability to bring another person to orgasm is a kind of superpower, showing how you care about him.

But as a result, it is precisely those who are thus cared for that are forced to create and maintain the illusion that everything is good.

Reasons minus

Another common reason is already negative, namely the fear of demonstrating one’s sexual “failure”.

Men are told throughout their lives that they should be sex giants, feel joy and show strength at any opportunity to have sex, although they may be tired, not sensitive at a particular moment, suffer from delayed ejaculation or take antidepressants.

Excessive amounts of alcohol consumed are the cause of such a hoax for every tenth, because even a drunken person can pretend that an orgasm happened than recognize his impossibility.

Women are even worse off: mass culture attributes constant orgasmicity to personal characteristics rather than physiological possibilities.

And this despite the fact that from actually vaginal penetration orgasms, even in an ideal situation, are far from everyone, and queues are arranged for the craftsmen to contact the clitoris.

So, with the same motivation and the same deception, the results are different: men avoid recognizing that they are people, not sex machines (for example, middle-aged and older men more often imitate orgasm than young ones), but women pretend to believe that in this way may hide their alleged defectiveness.

Game as self-defense

Simulating an orgasm by a woman is often seen as an action whose goal is to hide the truth. But sometimes the sad truth is that women try to protect themselves: if something is wrong with sex, and the appearance of an orgasm allows sex to be completed, then you have to portray it as soon as possible so that everything ends.

Many claim to mimic an orgasm when they experience fear and insecurity during sex. Some women talk about bad, unwanted and unpleasant sex, avoiding expressions indicating violence and coercion, although the description of the events looks like this.

Pain, fatigue, discomfort, boredom, fear of a negative assessment, insecurity in a new partner or partner, or even just too long sexual intercourse, which ceases to be fun, is the reason to portray fireworks if the proposal simply does not work out and is fraught with problems.

Looking for a way out

Question: But what, after all, if one day you realize that the partner or partner is simulating an orgasm? The main thing is not to freak out and focus on the goal. If the goal is to maintain a relationship, then the last thing to do is push the person against the wall and demand the truth.

Better demonstrate your ability to accept other people’s characteristics and abandon the idea of ​​a mandatory orgasm every time.

Find an opportunity to tell how you simulated an orgasm yourself or were close to it. Discuss how great it is to learn something new about yourself and others.

Agree that sex can simply be ended without explaining the reasons, because the reasons sometimes require additional reflection or it is difficult to talk about them.

Demonstrate that you are ready to solve problems in a way that suits your partners. Create together a safe space in which no one tortures anyone with interrogations or endless dull oral sex, in which no one is interested and which ends with nothing.

And do not panic if you spotted an imitation only once or twice. Perhaps you have a poor understanding of how the orgasm looks, or maybe the partner decided to experiment once, and then he himself will tell you someday.

And, oddly enough, men who are romantically and sexually satisfied in their relationships more often imitate a simultaneous orgasm to please their partner, and their life does not spoil it.

If you yourself imitate

You can have a variety of reasons, and it is important to determine what is your priority at the moment: stop cheating or save the existing situation.

It is known that some women mimic an orgasm because it enhances their own arousal and even enhances the feeling of a sexual experience as positive.

Many women cry out and make sounds like in a movie, because it enhances the arousal of a man, is regarded as an approval of his actions, and sex in general is more energetic and emotional.

The need to pretend may be temporary: young and older women pretend to be more likely than middle-aged women.

However, telling a partner or partner that you have been pretending all this time is very scary if there is at least some chance to receive accusations of deceit and insults caused by the sudden news.

In this case, the deception grows like a snowball, because there is no safe way to tell the truth. That is, maybe something is wrong with your relationship, and the need to imitate is only a consequence.

In addition, studies show that women more often portray an orgasm if they doubt their partner’s loyalty, or, conversely, they change themselves, and then it’s much more important to figure out what you expect from these relationships.

And, of course, it’s useful to understand whether you can even have an orgasm with this person, why, and whether you agree to such an approach.

MRI images of the brain of women during orgasm show that the parts of the brain that are responsible for fear and anxiety are turned off, and that is why the orgasm so quickly brings to a state of complete peace.

Is it possible to achieve it where you are not trusted or do not trust yourself? You check.

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